even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
