if i can run in heels then i can drive
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
