last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
