Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
