I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
