Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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