If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
They are going to name an STD after you.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
