At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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