I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
