I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
