Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
