Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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