dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize