i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
