I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
