I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
