You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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