Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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