i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
NoShamevember. You game?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
