WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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