THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
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