I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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