the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
