I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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