k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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