you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
