I wanna passion pit in your ass
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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