i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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