i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
