and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
