His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
