Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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