i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
