I puked a lego.
Girls should come with a carfax report
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
