That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
