I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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