I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Randomize
