I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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