Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize