I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
