i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
