If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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