a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
