3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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