allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
she told me i tasted like america
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
