Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
