i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
