bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
