the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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