chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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