I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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