They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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