remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
