Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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