I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Randomize
