thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
