im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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