watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
