Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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