I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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