I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
