yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
